I can say my silence has been filled with all of these. I am so behind on things that I have lapped myself at least a few times. I miss writing, yet, when can I? When should I write? I have a million other things more important to do, right? Time management is important, but so are priorities!

Here I am at 2am, behind on work and I’ve decided to write. This feels a bit irresponsible to me…

Have you ever seen that presentation of the glass jar and the large stones with the sand? If you put the sand in first, you have no room for the large stones. The sand represents all the busyness in life – the “small stuff” and the stones represent our top priorities – the things most important to us. My family is my biggest stone, which is certainly sitting square in the jar, but it seems work, our move, finances, etc which are all sand have filled my jar and left no room for any of my other stones – like maintaining my balance which leads to being a good Mom, playing, and relaxing, doing a good job at something!

So, here I sit. Wasting time, right? Nope. I need my dose of therapy. After all, I’ve only taken about 10 minutes so far to draft this, which has made me decide I need to go to bed. There. I’m working on my balance.

I can’t say with any form of confidence when I will write another post, but I have several in the works – in my mind – that I hope to get written…soon. Someday. So many wonderful things to say and no time. Well, I suppose it is time to work on that.

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Arwen Anaya 10/17/11

I want to write a nice long post, but for now I am going to announce the arrival of our newest baby girl. After nearly 24 hours of labor, she made her appearance on October 17, 2011 at 12:48am. She weighed 7lbs 9.4ozs and was 19.5″ long.

I will write her birth story as soon as I find the time. Right now we are home recovering while Daddy takes great care of us. We are so blessed!

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I am also 38 weeks pregnant today. My body has been preparing for child birth for at least a couple of months now, so I am impressed I have made it this long!  My due date is October 19th. We’ll see if she decides to wait that long. She’s sitting so low now that I have that constant feeling of needing to use the bathroom. Every time I stand up I have to make a dash to the bathroom before I do anything else, so I tend to avoid standing up much at work. I scheduled my last day of work for October 14th and I don’t know if I’m more anxious about not thinking about work for awhile or meeting our newest baby girl!  Haha…  It IS true what they say, though - The body remembers. I wasn’t this uncomfortable with Eliana until I actually went into labor. I have a feeling once I do finally go into labor, this baby is going to fly right out. I’m a little nervous about the whole dynamics of going into labor without a ride to the hospital, in the case that my husband is away somewhere (like he is tonight) and the fact that I don’t really have a backup plan right now.  I have a feeling I’ll be driving myself to the hospital!  Stay tuned for that story….!

The last few months Eliana turned 3, we persevered and were able to buy a little one bedroom house in Port Angeles, we still don’t have our house listed, my husband graduated the Police Academy and started his field training, I analyzed my stress load and got my priorities straight, our youngest adult child, Jenna, started college in Port Angeles, and my baby girl just keeps growing and growing – just to name a few things. It’s been a full 3 months for sure. So full, I haven’t even packed my hospital bag yet!  I’ve made a list, though!

It’s nearly 9:30pm, so I better call my little girl and wish her a good night. I hope she sleeps well with Daddy tonight. I’m going to miss them both terribly, but I will be in Port Angeles with them tomorrow!

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“My promise to my kids ~ I am not your friend.. I am your parent. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare & hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed because I LOVE YOU! When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult. You will NEVER… find someone who loves, cares & worries about you more than I do! Re-post if you are a parent and agree.”

I decided that I would write my own promise in a sort of rebuttal to this one. If you agree with my promise, feel free to pass it on to your kids!

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That’s why I love writing so much. As the minutes turn into months, it is easy to forget all of those little things that happened in between. As we get older, our ability to file every significant experience away gets harder because there are so many other experiences to compete with in our minds. I love going back over my writing and having the memories come rushing back. It helps me feel like I get to savour life a bit more and slow down time -  just for a little bit.

I may have mentioned before, but I keep a journal of letters to Eliana. I started it when she was 6 months old. In the letters I tell her what is going on with the family, what she is currently up to and learning, any significant events I want to share with her, and any random thoughts or plans I may have - much like a personal journal.  I think it’s probably time to start one for my new baby girl, since I’m already getting a sense of who she is. The stories may overlap, but I think it’s important I write to them both. I think these letters will be something the girls will always cherish as they bring back time and memories that they may not hear or remember any other way. Time may keep on ticking, but the memories will be safe. I just hope that too much time doesn’t slip away in between writing to them!  As it is, I only write maybe once a month to Eliana. I need to work on that! In fact, as soon as I’m done with this post, I am going to write those letters.

So like I said, it’s Thursday and this is the first moment I’ve had to sit and be still for a moment. Eliana is asleep on my lap so I have some time to reflect and plan. It hasn’t felt much like a vacation since I’ve had places I’ve had to be at certain times all week, but it has been nice to push the thought of work and the demanding project deadline out of my mind each time it tries to sneak in. One less thing to worry about.

I’ve completed about half the things on my To Do list for the week. The most important thing being prepping for Eliana’s 3rd birthday party on Saturday. There’s going to be a kiddie pool filled with bubble solution and huge bubble wands as well as a pool to search for sea creatures in. We’re going to have a blast!  That’s one thing my husband and I do very well – we throw great parties.

That makes me think of a bumper sticker I saw the other day – “Enjoy life, it is not a rehearsal.” Isn’t that the truth!  Nothing like reality to put things back into perspective. I hope you find ways to slow down time and savour life a bit more. It is Summer – the time for youthful fun!  Be adventurous.

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Port Angeles, WA

If you asked me a year ago where we would be in 2012, I would have probably told you where we are now!  I would have known things would change after my husband’s retirement, but I had no idea the amount of change that would take place in our lives. The last 6 months have brought about many opportunities and decisions to be made. Ultimately we’ve decided that the family will be relocating to Port Angeles by the end of 2012. My husband got a job with WA Department of Fish and Wildlife as an officer in their Marine Division (his dream job!) and it is located in Port Angeles. He will be working on one of the biggest boats in their fleet, so I doubt he will want to relocate to another division closer to where we are now anytime soon. I am a firm believer that the family needs to stay together, so all of the gears are in motion to head in that direction, which changes everything.

There is a strong possibility I will be able to take my job with me, but I have to plan for the possibility that I can’t. This affects how much house we buy, when we move, etc etc. I’m sure things will all work out but the stress comes in analyzing what IS the right decision and when, then carrying that plan out. We have the factor of my husband’s mother that we’re supporting – we had to decide whether to sell her little cabin and buy a place, move it, or what? - we have a baby coming in October that affects our monthly income – we don’t know when Bryan will have to be there as he will probably be there before the family and will need a place to live. So many decisions and the decision of when all of these things should take place. I am trying to go with the flow, but I can’t help but over analyze things to make sure we’re doing the right thing. Money has been very tight since Bryan retired too, so that puts a new wrench in everything. Jenna needs to be there by the end of September, so she may beat us all there. We will not be able to buy until we sell our home, so when do we sell? Will it sell quickly?  Breathe!  I know it will all work out as it should and I am very excited to see where life takes us next, but there’s a lot we need to do to get there.

We didn’t know much about Port Angeles when Bryan got the job, but it seems to fit all of the things we must have in the place we want to live – such as waterfront, outdoor activities, close-knit community, farmer’s markets, family activities, festivals, good schools, and the list goes on. This is very exciting. We’ve also decided to live in town for awhile rather than out in the country like we do now, so this will be quite an adjustment. One that I think we’ll enjoy. Our way of life is going to change drastically as we learn to shave the extra 30 minutes we add to any commute and enjoy being part of a community that is within walking distance. Jenna has decided to go to the community college there and she loves the town. This has made the move even more exciting and lessened the blow of leaving our little piece of paradise behind. I look forward to creating a new piece of paradise where our whole family can gather and continue to enjoy life with us.

Everything is moving so fast, but I know everything will work out. Life has been very good to us so far and I know it will continue to be. All of this taking place makes me recite the quote – “The only thing we can count on is Change.” So true and I am one that thrives on change. It keeps life full and interesting.

Port Angeles Visitor Guide

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Eliana, June 2011

It seems Eliana turned into a little girl over night and she is such a happy girl. She’s always giggling, talking in her cheery voice, and wanting to play and have fun. I am so thankful she has such a happy, outgoing, and confident personality.  We have our moments when I think – Oh boy, here come the terrible two’s but those phases pass very quickly and they are usually because she has something else stressful going on; like a cold, or upset Mommy has to go to work, or that Daddy is STILL gone. Whenever these moments come, I keep my patience - ”kind and firm” and hope they pass quickly and they do. I got really sick last week and I realized that she’s definitely growing up, because instead of mirroring my mood and being grumpy with me, she was very happy and did her best to cheer me up. It was so sweet and it did cheer me up, inspite of the fact that I was so exhausted I could feel anger bubbling up from wanting to sleep so badly, but being the only one home with her so I couldn’t. She woke me up the next morning with kisses and asked me if I was ok. Of course I was then. Her kisses are Angel kisses and can make the dreariest day bright and sunny. Whenever she asks for anything, like chocolate, she always asks for two so that she can give one to me. Such a caring little girl, she’s always looking out for her Mommy. If Daddy or anyone else is with us, she makes sure to take care of them too. She’s so generous and helpful for only being nearly 3 years old. 

Yay! Blue Ice Cream!

Eliana now picks out all of her clothes. It takes a lot of convincing to get her in pants, so she lives in dresses and tights. She is very matchy – tights for the dress, the right shoes, and of course the hair ties and clips have to match too. If you tell her she’s so cute, she says “I AM so cute!” Such a cutie! The day these pictures were taken was the day we took her to see a movie in the theatre for the first time. We stopped for blue ice cream first – to match her blue dress, then headed to the movie. She did so well and seeing her sit in her seat, munching on popcorn, and watching the movie like a big girl made me realize she’s not a baby anymore!  It brought tears to my eyes seeing her there all grown up. It really does go by so quickly. I am so proud of the little girl she has grown into and every day I am thankful she is here, sharing her youth and delight with me. I am a very happy Momma!

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My first reaction was surprise that it was really a girl.  My husband has insisted from day one that it’s a girl but I don’t agree with his reasons! My best friend and two sisters thought so too. They were right! I had a lot of people ask me if I was disappointed, because I believe this will be our last, but disappointment is certainly not the feeling. I absolutely love little girls and there is nothing like the sister bond. I am SO happy Eliana will have a sister close to her age. The only hesitation was whether I truly believed this would be the last. Am I ok not having a son?  One that I have birthed?  I believe I am. I’m afraid if my goal were to have a son, then I would end up with 4 more kids, before my boy came. That’s not going to happen!  I am not getting any younger. hehe I am happy with two girls and my husband feels the same way. Of course, I will not be so stubborn to not change my mind someday, but two little ones just seems right. I don’t want to throw in the dynamic of a third. I would probably have to go for 4 then! I really don’t want to be 45 when I have my last child.

I am still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that there’s another baby on the way. I was so miracle struck with Eliana that this child feels too good to be true. Seeing her on the screen was like going back in time 3 years. She looks SO much like Eliana did at this age and her mannerisms are very similar as well. She seems to be more active than Eliana – moving and kicking more often, but she favors the left just like Eliana and likes to have her hands above her head. She’ll need to be more active, though, to keep up with her big sister!  I can’t believe we’re going to have two little beauties! We’re in so much trouble!

I’m not sure Eliana quite grasps what’s going on yet, but she knows that she came from my belly and that there is another baby in my belly that is coming out someday. She has always said that I have a baby girl in my belly, but I figured she said this because she was a baby girl. Perhaps she knew all along?  She is so good with babies that I know she’s going to be an amazing big sister. I’m excited for both of them. Of course, having another girl means that there is very little we will need for this baby, but you know I will not be able to pass up a new cute outfit or two.  I just can’t help myself.

Yay, for Girls!

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Whenever I feel like life is getting rough, I try to reconnect with the wonder and beauty of Mother Nature. This song always puts me back in the mood to appreciate the miracle of life and all that comes with it. I hope you love it as much as I do!

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I give respect to a person of authority that respects me back. If this person doesn’t value me as a person – doesn’t respect my perspective or listen to my opinions then frankly, I have better places to be. I never for a second doubt that I will find a way to make things work – find a fit that is better. I will never give someone the authority to rule my life. I will accept and welcome advie. I will ask for help and be grateful but never turn my fate over to someone else. I take responsibility for myself and my actions. In turn I give everyone around me, even those I have assumed authority over, the respect they deserve.

This subject is pressing on my mind because of a situation where someone is completely miserable in her job because her boss leads like a tyrant yet she puts up with it. People are driven by the fear of losing their jobs and I understand this fear, but to me I would lose respect for myself more than my boss if I didn’t at least stand up for myself. I have been known to speak my mind to superiors on a number of occasions because I felt they were being disrespectful to me. I did it respectfully and behind closed doors, but truly what is the worst they can do? Fire me? At least my dignity will be in tact.

Perhaps I am more apt to do this because I have the power of being a knowledgeable and hard working person. Employers have been less than willing to part with me which I’m sure feeds my self-confidence in the fact that I am someone who deserves respect. But how can anyone allow themselves to believe otherwise?

Respect is relative in some ways but I think there’s a universal truth to it. Everyone is valuable in some way and deserve to be treated as such. Everyone should have the power to rule their own lives and take responsibility for that life and their decisions. Perhaps the alternative is easier…to place your life and fate in someone else’s hands so that you are no longer responsible. You can become a victim and blame your ruler.

Yeah – not me…

What do you think?

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